autumn

i am usually scared of fall.
i surprise myself lately
i have these decisions to make,
and i make them
i am surprised at my good sense.
maybe, this year i will have some good changes
although i have intentions that are not always the best,
i have found, in spite of my self,
i am doing well.
i hope to keep it up
the last ten years, i do what i do.
and maybe i see that i have been my own downfall.
so now i try.
more than i have before
should i include God,
as i have not lately
i think i can.
some of my effort, that has consumed me prior,
is relieved
life is so much easier with help.
and not pharmasuitical help.
i have tried nicotene replacement
and opiate blockers.
only to make me more irritated.
the best thing so far is decision.
i decide to be better.
to be healthy
and a good wife, mother, person.
and remind myself every 5 minutes.
i guess they call it white knuckle sober
i hope it gets better.